Some days are hard. Some days I feel like the worst mom, ever. Why? I’m imperfect, and I fall short.
I sometimes fall asleep on the floor while my kids play with the hotwheels track I put together, but can’t bear to roll cars on.
Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom, and ignore my children to get a break. Despite the pounding on the door.
I can sit in the same room with my children happily playing and scroll the various apps on my phone, totally missing out on the interaction. I’m just not mentally there anymore.
I snap. I get to a point where I lose it, and if everything isn’t exactly how I want after the count of three, all the time outs come out.
After dealing with a tantruming one year old in the middle of the night for what seems like hours, I get mad, and then I leave said toddler in his room to figure it out for himself. Or for my husband to deal with.
My children sometimes watch 4 episodes of paw patrol in a row.
My house seems like a constant mess.
I can’t keep up with everything.
My 3 year old is usually wearing miss-matched stained clothes, and has a huge rats nest in her hair (that she refuses to let me brush).
I’m bossy, and sometimes yell.
I’m usually wearing yoga pants, and an unflattering t-shirt with some sort of smear on it. I can’t find half my makeup, and the half I do have is hardly ever applied.
I have a breakdown every few weeks, after everything seems to just topple over after being piled up for too long.
Sometimes I struggle to be happy with my role as a mother.
The list could go on, and I’m sure you could fill in a few more lines of why you think you are the worst___ _, ever.
It has taken me a few days to get past this point of this post. I needed to take a break and do some deep digging as to why I feel this way, what is causing it, and how I can resolve it….
I have realized that I am NOT “the worst mom, ever.” Sure I have moments when I’m not doing everything the absolute best way, but that’s because I am learning, and not perfect. That’s OK! Having areas where I fall short is all part of the mothering process. I don’t think I have ever heard anyone say, “Man, being a Mom is easy. I could do this perfectly all day every day for the rest of my life!” It is easy to compare myself to other mothers, and feel like I fall short. I know that I do a lot of good as well, but whenever I make a mistake, all the good gets thrown out the window and I get discouraged in my progress.
Where are these feelings coming from? The Adversary. Satan. The very person who wants more than anything for me to fail. My family to fail. To give up on the most important things in life, or to live below my potential as I murmur and wallow in self pity. He wants everyone to believe they aren’t good enough. That what we are doing doesn’t matter. That we are the “worst ______, ever.”
How can I get past these feelings? I’m sure they will always be there, and new trials will come throughout my journey. As I draw closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ, I can be stronger. I can see my shortcomings as learning opportunities, and my mistakes as opportunities to change. Quoting Gordon B Hinkley in his talk ‘Your Greatest Challenge, Mother’, he states “And so I plead with you tonight, my dear sisters. Sit down and quietly count the debits and the credits in your role as a mother. It is not too late. When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help of the Lord to assist you in your trials. But do not delay. Start now, whether your child be six or 16.” The Lord knows that motherhood is hard. He knows that I struggle, and that I make mistakes. As I turn to him for help, he can dispel those feelings of self doubt. He can give me hope and understanding in my weaknesses. He will provide guidance on how to change and improve. I can gain the strength to forgive myself, just as easily as my children forgive me.
Jeffery R Holland recently said in his October 2015 conference address “To all of our mothers everywhere, past, present, or future, I say, “Thank you. Thank you for giving birth, for shaping souls, for forming character,and for demonstrating the pure love of Christ”… To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle—and all will—I say, “Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion,13 and like the Master you follow, your love ‘never faileth.’14 ” I can pay no higher tribute to anyone.”